Sunday, October 3, 2010

Tale of a Bruised Tail

Top 3 Things to Do BEFORE Arriving at an E/R Due to Falling on Butt at Roller Skating Rink:

1. Guzzle as much water as you possibly can, camel-style, because once you get there, the dangerous liquid will be taboo, just in case you have done so much damage to your tailbone that you have to be prepped for surgery and rushed to the OR (and while you're at it, completely ignore that reason because it will FREAK YOU OUT).

2. Hit a Taco Bell drive-through. I know this will seem ludicrous at the time, since you are in pain and very concerned about your lack of ability to stand/walk/sit. But, trust me, the fact that you ate dinner very early in order to get your kids to their skating party on time will come back to haunt you and your empty stomach, at the very latest by 2:00 AM, while you are still waiting for x-ray results. And since you are already in pain, why do you need your stomach growling, too? But since water is forbidden, don't even THINK about getting food in the E/R.

3. B.Y.O.I.P. Bring Your Own Ice Pack. Because while you'd think with all the smart nurses and doctors running around, SOMEONE would have the brilliant idea to supply with you an ice pack for your sore bottom, this will not happen.

And as a bonus (I'm not going to count this as a number since it IS a tad silly as far as solutions go), bring an air mattress. Because the fact that you cannot sit down leaves you in a quandary in the waiting room. And the same reasons for which you are not allowed to drink water (think: possible damage to tailbone requiring surgery) do not apply to sitting on said possibly-damaged tailbone. So in review: Water, no way. Sitting on injury, absolutely.

Now you may be asking yourself why I don't just recommend staying away from a roller skating rink at all costs. Or at least keeping the shoes with wheels off of your feet. But there are two reasons why. First of all, I was trying to have fun with my kids and play along with them. This is usually very much encouraged by family experts. And secondly, I have never had a problem roller skating. But accidents happen to everyone. And believe me when I tell you that it felt like someone pulled the skating rink out from under me. I had no warning, and I still could not tell you why it happened.

So I'm just going to chalk it up to one of those things in life that was not reasonably avoidable. And be very thankful that I didn't fracture anything. And be very chummy with my Percocet and my donut pillow (lesser known by the name "coccyx cushion" - hmm, wonder why that name didn't catch on). And I probably won't roller skate anymore. My Mom thinks that once this is just a happy memory, I may be willing to get back on the horse (or at least the roller skates). But I think in the future I will find other ways to have fun and "play along." You know, WATCHING is highly underrated. The kids LOVE to be watched. And almost nobody falls while watching.

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